Looking for a badass name for your new heavy metal band? Try Baby Graveyard, Slikk Kitty, or Heavenshitt. Wondering how to turn a personal tragedy into a killer comedy routine? Avoid mentioning the Lusitania. Everything Explained Through Flowcharts is here to map out the answers to these and other complicated conundrums, with subject matter ranging from profound philosophical queries to light-hearted pop culture and everything in between: how to choose a tattoo that gets the hot barista to notice you without sending secret signals to bisexuals lurking in the alley outside Starbucks; how to discover a designer paint colour that reflects your inner soul while matching your watercolour paintings of seascapes; how to get into Klingon heaven; how to take over the world and look great doing it; and, how to tell if your pet lizard is doing a mating dance or having an epileptic seizure. Doogie Horner provides page after insane page of endless entertainment and meticulously researched chartography, woven seamlessly with mind-blowing revelations of truth, knowledge, and fun facts about the dangerous raccoon shark.
Doogie Horner is a standup comic and book designer. He is the author of the First Timer's Kit (Quirk Books, 2008) and Dirty Jokes Every Man Should Know (Quirk Books, 2009). His short story The History of the Beloved Children's Series the Berenstain Bears is featured in The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes (Vintage, 2008). He designed the cover for the New York Times bestseller Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and his design has been featured in Time, Newsweek, Print, How, Time Out New York, GQ, and many other publications. He lives in Philadelphia where he performs standup and hosts the monthly comedy show The Ministry of Secret Jokes.