“Mummy, why haven’t I got one of what Daddy’s got?”

This was a question my friend’s daughter asked recently. Noticing the difference between boys and girls, while watching people use the toilet, signals that your child is starting to think about his or her own body. But when it comes to potty training, there are some significant gender differences to bear in mind, and not just the obvious physical ones!

Boys and girls

Children share similar experiences and anxieties when they sense that their bladder or bowel is full, and that they need the potty. Their facial expressions often give off vital signals after all! But the main difference is in the timing.
It’s true that boys tend to be slower than girls at getting trained, as the nerves to their brains develop slightly later and they have to get used to two methods of going to the loo: sitting and standing.

Nonetheless, many are ready to start sitting on a potty or toilet at two-and-a-half or three. Girls may show an interest in potty training earlier, around their second birthday: having a mum or female carer to act as a role model during potty training may help, and girls may be more receptive to the idea generally. Parents are known to give more eye contact and to talk more to girls in infancy, and this may be a contributing factor. The most important thing though, is
to wait until your child is ready. The key signs to look out for are: showing an interest; knowing when a wee or poo is on the way; having words for wee and poo; long periods of having a dry nappy.

What equipment do I need?

Ideally, you’ll need two potties regardless of whether you have a girl or a boy. Keep one in the living room and one in the bathroom, as they need to be within immediate reach to begin with. Potties with splash guards at the front are good for boys just starting out, as they prevent spillage, but as your son grows they may be difficult to use comfortably. And boys – particularly those with older brothers – tend to progress quickly to using the toilet anyway. Once your child is interested in using the toilet, you’ll need:
• A child-sized toilet seat adaptor – great for little ones who fear falling into the pan.
• A footstool – having somewhere secure to rest the feet is a definite confidence booster.
• A portable child-sized loo seat – useful when you’re away from home, but not essential.

How do I motivate my tot?

Girls may be happy to sit down on the potty, whereas some boys find it hard to stay still. Your praise and attention is the best way to encourage progress. Share stories while your tot sits on the potty, or sing songs. Stickers on a chart next to the loo can really motivate a child. When the chart is full, enjoy a treat – maybe watch a DVD or go swimming. “Robert becomes upset when he knows a poo is coming and needs a cuddle. Then we give him a gold star which he really likes,” says mum Caitlin Thomas.

Ooops!

Regular accidents can occur if a child is deeply engrossed in playing, or if he can’t get his trousers down fast enough. Reduce the pressure by keeping calm and being reassuring when accidents happen, and really believe that your child will get there eventually.

Training pants

Pull-up nappies or training pants act as a halfway house between nappies and ordinary pants. Some provide a wet sensation so your tot can tell when he’s done a wee and others offer images that fade when wet, helping him learn to stay dry. Once your child is dry for several hours a day you can move to pants.

Tips for boys and girls

Most boys start by sitting down, but ultimately like to copy dad and wee standing up. Here are some tried and tested suggestions to improve your little boy’s aim:
• Show him how to point his penis down to avoid spraying the room whether sitting down or standing.
• Use a piece of toilet roll or even a single Shreddie for him to aim at!
• Add blue food dye t0 the toilet bowl which will turn green when he wees on it – or add shampoo to the bowl to make bubbles.
Girls are particularly prone to urinary infections and so need to learn to wipe from front to back. This can be tricky at first, so teach your daughter
to dab herself at the front only to start with. Avoid clingy tights that are difficult to get off in a hurry and stick to trousers or dresses and skirts with socks for ease.