What is bonding?
Bonding is the process of deep attachment between a parent and their newborn baby. Some parents feel an intense love and protectiveness for their child from the minute they first hold him. For others, the bond takes time to develop.
To bond or not to bond…
Experts believe that bonding is essential for future wellbeing. Clinical child psychologist Sue Ranger says, “If we have healthy, nurturing relationships with the main people in our lives in the first couple of years, they equip us with a set of strategies which we can use to cope with the difficult things that life throws at us.”
It’s a contact sport
“Babies arrive well-equipped to be sociable, to respond and to interact,” continues Sue. Feeding, cuddling, talking, singing, baby massge, taking a bath together, just lying on the bed and looking at each other – all of these activities help parents and babies to connect.
Mum-of-two Louise Hall admits she found it hard to bond with her second son, Oliver, when mastitis forced her to give up breastfeeding. “Poor Ollie didn’t really get a look in at first as I was so ill,” she recalls. “Once we got used to the bottle, I spent time just stroking his face while his big brother was in bed. Now it’s hard to believe bonding was an issue.”
Your baby will tell you whether or not he’s ready to interact. “If he’s turning away, wriggling or gearing up to crying then he’s not comfortable in the current situation,” explains Sue. "But when he’s looking at you, reaching out towards you, with bright eyes and a clear face, he wants you to talk to him."
When bonding’s harder
For parents of premature or sick babies in special care units, there’s a risk of feeling left out. In some cases “kangaroo care” is recommended. “For a certain time each day, the baby is placed inside your shirt for that all-important skin-to-skin contact,” says Robin Bishop, spokesperson for premature baby charity Bliss. Expressing milk to feed your baby through a tube also helps. “Mums feel an attachment to the baby because they know they’re doing something very important for him,” says Robin.
Finding it tough?
If your baby is healthy and at home with you yet bonding seems hard, don’t be alarmed. There are many reasons why bonding may not happen immediately – older kids, dealing with lack of sleep and colic, for example. Talk to your health visitor or your GP if you are concerned. Recent research in the US shows that iron deficiency in new mums can delay bonding and that supplements may help. It's best to speak to your doctor for more advice.
