Lorraine Thomas

Your feelings are absolutely normal – ask any mum-to-be. Being a mum’s a huge responsibility and it’s natural to worry. It sounds as though you are putting yourself under pressure...

Your feelings are absolutely normal – ask any mum-to-be. Being a mum’s a huge responsibility and it’s natural to worry. It sounds as though you are putting yourself under pressure because you want to get it right and be the very best mum your baby can have. This is commendable! 

But to give your baby the best start, it’s essential that you take care of yourself. Tiredness can make challenges you’d normally take in your stride seem overwhelming. Give yourself a treat to help you relax – take a swim or a luxurious bath, or book yourself in for a pregnancy massage. 

Remember, too, that while you’re worrying about what might happen in the future, you’re missing out on enjoying being a mum-to-be now. Think positive. When your baby’s born, you’ll be their most powerful role model, so develop great habits now. If you’re a mum who sees family life as an adventure and embraces the challenges that come with it – your child will, too.  

One more thing that should help you relax at night is writing down your ideal bedtime routine, and sticking to it. This way you’ll make going to bed an experience you look forward to. Deep breathing exercises will also help you to relax, and as you drift off to sleep, focus on all the exciting things about becoming a mum.

When a relationship breaks down, it’s tough for everyone involved. Your feelings are natural and there are many dads in the same situation. You haven’t failed. Your child has a dad who...

When a relationship breaks down, it’s tough for everyone involved. Your feelings are natural and there are many dads in the same situation. You haven’t failed. Your child has a dad who loves him and wants to be the best dad he can be, and that love will help you both through this.

Encourage Jack to talk about his feelings with you – and talk to him about how you feel. Give him a cuddle and listen to what he’s saying. What’s most important for him now is that he knows you love him and are there for him. Also be prepared for some tough questions – toddlers are great at asking these. Think of the three most difficult questions Jack can ask about the separation and decide in advance what you want to say.

Feeling guilty is a waste of your time and won’t help you or Jack. Instead, invest your efforts in being the best dad you can be when you see your son. And wherever possible, keep talking to your ex-partner. You may both have difficult feelings to wrestle with – but commit to work together to help Jack through this. You can’t change the past but you can still give him a happy and secure childhood. You’ll find a way because you both want what’s best for him. When you leave Jack, tell him what you enjoyed most about your time together. And be positive at the drop off. Instead of saying “I’ll miss you”, say “I’m really looking forward to seeing you next time.”

Also, don’t be tempted to spoil him with lots of presents when you see him. It’s your time and attention that Jack wants. And do everything you can to be a normal parent with him – discipline him if you have to and don’t try to play the good cop while your ex is seen to be bad cop, no matter how pleasant you want your time together to be.  Finally, let Jack know when you’re thinking about him when you’re not with him. Call him during the week to say hi, or send him a letter or a card.

Your feelings are natural. Being a mum is exciting but it’s also incredibly tiring. You’re on the clock 24/7.  And you’re juggling family with an evening job so...

Your feelings are natural. Being a mum is exciting but it’s also incredibly tiring. You’re on the clock 24/7.  And you’re juggling family with an evening job so you’ve got lots to deal with. It’s good that you’ve identified the reason that you feel low. You’ve lost the old ‘me’ and you want to get it back. You’re not alone. Eight out of 10 mums say they lose their ‘me’ factor when they have children. 

Being a parent is a huge responsibility and when you’re tired, everything can seem overwhelming. Usually, mums are so busy looking after their baby they forget to look after themselves. But you are at the heart of your family, so if you take care of yourself – everyone will benefit.  

Boost your energy levels and you’ll feel more positive about life’s challenges. Stop trying to do everything and give yourself the chance to re-charge your batteries. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Your well-being is much more important than the housework. Get out of the house for at least 30 minutes a day. And make sure you take regular meals and hot drinks. 

If you want to find the lost ‘me’, it’s important to make some ‘me’ time.  Ask your partner or friends or family to look after baby for an hour this week and do something that is just for you. 

Talk to your GP or Health Visitor about how you’re feeling. They’re there to support you. They’ll be able to put you in touch with a wide range of local services and organisations that you’ll find helpful.

It sounds to me as though you already know the answer to your question.  Mums have a great gut instinct – so go with yours and you’ll be absolutely right. 
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It sounds to me as though you already know the answer to your question.  Mums have a great gut instinct – so go with yours and you’ll be absolutely right. 

Life’s an exciting adventure for a 2-year-old.  But it’s also extremely confusing.  Your son’s positively encouraged to throw a ball for the dog to catch. So, you can see why he might be expecting to get a similar response when he throws a toy at you. But instead of getting your praise, it has the opposite effect.


The best way to understand what’s going through your toddler’s mind is to put yourself in his shoes. Once you start to view the world through his young eyes, you can see how confusing this is for him. Of course it’s important for your child to learn that actions have consequences, but he’s a little too young to understand this one.

He’s not behaving in a way that’s deliberately naughty – he just wants to please his mum. But if he’s now in the habit of throwing toys, you can help him to change this behaviour. Go out of your way to catch him ‘red-handed’ being good with his toys. Praise him when he plays well - and always be as specific as you can.  Instead of saying, ‘good boy’ tell him exactly what he’s done that’s good. It’ll help him to do it again. And instead of telling him what you don’t want him to do, get into the habit of explaining exactly what you do want him to do. Children find positive instructions much easier to understand and act on than negative ones. 

As if coping with a new baby isn’t enough – you’ve got your mother-in-law to deal with, too! You need to get this sorted out because the longer it goes on, the worse it will get...

As if coping with a new baby isn’t enough – you’ve got your mother-in-law to deal with, too! You need to get this sorted out because the longer it goes on, the worse it will get for you and the rest of the family.

You can’t control your partner or your mother-in-law. But you are in control of how you respond to them. I know it’s tough, but try to accept that men can turn into mice when their mother is around. That’s how your partner is. Resenting the way he is won’t help him or you. You can explain to him that, as parents, you and he need a united voice when it comes to feeding Tilly and putting her to bed, and his support in these areas will certainly benefit your daughter.

When your mother-in-law is at her most annoying, look at her and remember that you both have strong opinions for a very good reason – you both love Tilly and want what’s best for her. You may have different opinions, but you’re both on the same side. And just because your mother-in-law is negative, you don’t have to be. If you’re positive, she’s more likely to be.

Most grandparents love to be asked to baby-sit, so book her in and go out with your partner. Let her support your relationship instead of undermining it. And remember to tell her how much you appreciate her help when she does something nice. Don’t forget that it’s your house, your daughter and you are in control. You’ve identified mealtimes and bedtimes as particularly confrontational, so arrange for her to come to visit only at times that suit you. 

Every mum will break their routines when baby is sick.  Your daughter needed you and you wanted to be with her.  But now she’s better, it can tough to get back into routine –...

Every mum will break their routines when baby is sick.  Your daughter needed you and you wanted to be with her.  But now she’s better, it can tough to get back into routine – because your daughter (and you too) have enjoyed the closeness you’ve shared. 

Re-establishing routines takes time and energy and commitment – but you can definitely do it.  You have a great track record.  You’ve done it once and you’ll be able to do it again.  It may be a real challenge but you have such a  positive foundation to build on.

It’s up to you to take the lead and make it happen.  There are definite benefits to both of you of sorting this out as soon as you can.     You need a good night’s sleep – in your own bed - if you’re going to be the mum you want to be.

Your frame of mind is crucial.  The key is be clear, firm and consistent – easier said than done I know – but you can do it.  If you’re positive and believe you can do this – you will.

You stand a better chance of success if your daughter is tired, mentally and physically so make sure her day includes lots of activity. 

Decide what you want the routine to be.  Focus on what worked before and how you handled it – you clearly handled it extremely well. Stick to your routine.  Give baby lots of attention but don’t let the ending go on and on.  Make it clear that at a certain point, you are going to leave and you you’re your daughter to sleep alone.

You’ll have lots of ideas about how to make this work.  There are lots of things you can try to make this easier – and you’ll have lots of ideas of your own because you’re the expert on your baby – and you’ve made this happen before.

Here are some to get you thinking:

You can start by holding your daughter’s hand and then gradually moving further and further away.  Be quiet when you do this.

You can try something new, perhaps leave a light on or quiet cd or give baby a toy or comforter instead of you.

You can try the controlled crying method if you want to – lots of mums find it helpful.  If your daughter cries for you when you leave, resist the urge to go back to her immediately.  It can be hard I know but if you do that, she’ll learn that all she has to do when she wants you is to cry. You want her to learn that she can fall asleep happily be herself.  Wait for 5 minutes before you return. Settle her down, exactly as you have done before – don’t play – and go away again. If she cries, leave her for 10 minutes and then go back in.  Gradually build the time up. 

What’s most important is that you are firm – and that both of you know you are committed to making this routine work. Play by your rules – not hers. It’s the best thing for both of you. 

Make sure you involve your partner if you can. Let them share the load and be responsible for putting your daughter to bed, using the same routine, on a regular basis too – even if it’s just once a week.

If you feel you’ve tried everything and you still have a problem, talk to your GP or health visitor. They can give you advice and may suggest you visit a local sleep clinic in your area. They’re usually run by health visitors specially trained in the management of sleep problems.

Becoming parents marks the beginning of a new chapter in your relationship with your partner. You’re a team and you’ll both learn to adapt as you deal with the challenges of family...

Becoming parents marks the beginning of a new chapter in your relationship with your partner. You’re a team and you’ll both learn to adapt as you deal with the challenges of family life.       

Yes, it’s normal for some dads to respond to the demands of fatherhood by locking themselves away.  Being a dad is a huge responsibility and babies don’t come with instructions. Many dads say they lack confidence, don’t know what to do and are worried about failing. They often feel that mums are the experts – not them. 

Your partner may be unsure about what to do, so be specific about the things you’d like him to help you with. Instead of focusing on the negatives, focus on the positives. When you’re together, praise him for what he does well as a dad. It’ll boost his confidence.   

Encourage him to enjoy dad-daughter bonding time. Let him choose an activity that he’s comfortable with – and leave him to it.  If it’s his idea, he’s much more likely to make it happen. He may like to do something that involves another dad. They can support each other. 

If you’re a mum who’s an employee, you have the statutory right to a minimum amount of maternity leave. Statutory Maternity Leave is for 52 weeks. Provided you meet certain...

If you’re a mum who’s an employee, you have the statutory right to a minimum amount of maternity leave. Statutory Maternity Leave is for 52 weeks. Provided you meet certain notification requirements, you can take this no matter how long you’ve been with your employer, how many hours you work or how much you’re paid. 

You may be entitled to receive Statutory Maternity Pay for up to 39 weeks of your leave. To be eligible for SMP, you must have been employed continuously by the same employer for at least 26 weeks by the 15th week before your baby is due and have been earning an average of at least £87 a week (before tax). If you get SMP, your employer will pay you 90% of your average weekly earnings for the first 6 weeks of your maternity leave, then up to £112.75 for the remaining 33 weeks. Maternity pay is treated as normal pay so your employer will deduct tax and National Insurance as usual.

Employers may also offer their own maternity leave scheme that could be more generous than the statutory scheme. Ask your employer’s HR team or look in your staff handbook for details. Your employer can’t offer you less than the statutory scheme. 

If you would like more information on maternity leave and pay the website www.direct.gov.uk is an excellent resource providing personalised help on maternity rights.

You may be entitled to Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) from your employer.  If you don’t qualify for SMP,   you may be eligible for Maternity Allowance (MA).  There is no...

You may be entitled to Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) from your employer.  If you don’t qualify for SMP,   you may be eligible for Maternity Allowance (MA).  There is no simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to your question because your  eligibility for both of these will depend on a whole range of specific details regarding your individual situation. 

The best thing for you to do is to contact the legal team at the charity, Working Families.  You can speak to an expert there who will ask you questions about your particular situation and tell you if you are eligible for SMP or MA.  You can call their free and confidential helpline on 0800 013 0313 or visit their website www.workingfamilies.org.uk.  When you call, make sure you have your pay slips from your second trimester with you as they will want to know specific details about this.

You may also find it helpful to know, that if you have had to take time off work due to pregnancy-related sickness, you are protected under the discrimination law and your employer’s normal sickness pay rules apply.