Rediscover romance

If you let yourself get too frazzled, or have too many unmet needs of your own, you’ll be frustrated and miserable – and that’s no good for anyone in the family. The same goes for your partner of course, and for you as a couple.

“Three months after Erin was born it was our anniversary.We wnt out for a lovely meal and some drinks. It made such a nice change to have some time for ourselves.”  Mums' Choice member Avril Taylor, 28, is stepmum to Jake, 14 and mum to Megan, 6, and Erin, 6 months

Steal time together

When did you and your partner last go out together? If you can’t remember, you definitely need to prioritise yourselves. It’s not selfish or neglectful to take time away from your child. As a couple, you need to step out of the hectic stream of family life now and again. If you don’t, then a few years down the line you could well realise that your sense of togetherness has been eroded.

A lot of new mums feel that tiredness puts a strain on their adult relationship, often resulting in rows. “Mick and I had simply stopped having fun together,” says Sophie Callaghan, mum to four-month-old Sam. “As Sam is colicky, it’s tricky to leave him with anyone else. So we’ve decided to have a special dinner at home on Friday nights. We take turns to cook, or we order in a takeaway, light candles and catch up properly with each other’s news. I really look forward to our Fridays, and they’ve definitely brought us closer again.”

Babysitters, parents, friends, crèches – all of these can help you grab the occasional break. Get creative and think beyond the way you used to do things together before you had children. Time out doesn’t have to be in the evening, for instance. If you have someone to watch your little one, why not sneak out with your partner for a spot of lunch or shopping – it can feel like a real treat in the middle of the day.

Hello again, sex!

It’s easy to let day-to-day loving contact slip in the early days of parenthood – there just isn’t time, and some mums don’t even like being touched when they’ve had a tiny baby in their arms for most of the day. Parents with young families tend to fall asleep exhausted at night – hardly conducive to a red-hot sex life. Be inventive, and once in a while forget about catching up with the ironing while your baby or toddler’s having a nap, and use the time to get re-acquainted with your partner under the duvet instead.

Time alone

Share the caring as much as you can, so that your toddler is used to having either parent feed her tea or give her a bath. Once you’ve organised some free time, make sure you get the most from it. What would you most love to do that you can’t manage when your little person’s around? Whether it’s reading a book, having a swim or meeting up with a friend, make sure you use the opportunity to do something that makes you feel good.

Keeping the balance in a family is a joint enterprise, so don’t take it all on yourself just because you’re the mum. Sort out a strategy with your partner to get some precious time off for each of you and for yourselves as a couple – and everyone will end up happier.

Support for single parents

When you’re parenting single-handedly, it can be hard to find any time for yourself – but it’s crucial to make the effort.

• Build treats for yourself into the day – a magazine and a coffee while your baby or toddler naps, a bath when she’s asleep. Don’t spend all that time catching up with chores.
• Get regular fresh air and exercise and eat healthily. You’ll feel better if you’re in good shape and well-nourished.
• Talk to another adult every day. If you can’t meet up, chat on the phone.
• Enlist help from friends and family. Organise a ‘child swap’ with other parents who have children of a similar age, to give each other an hour or two off. Or leave your baby with a trusted family member while you recharge your batteries.

In her book BabyShock!: Your Relationship Survival Guide (£5.99/Vermillion), relationship expert Elizabeth Martyn explains how you can work together for the sake of the family and yourself.