First days at home with your baby

You give birth, someone plonks a baby on your tummy, and next thing you know they’re letting you take the poor thing home with you. Are they mad? You haven’t got a clue what you’re doing!

But although it can seem like a huge challenge at first, what with learning to change nappies and feed your baby for the first time, it soon becomes second nature. On the inside you may be in turmoil, but to the untrained eye you are probably passing for a perfect little family. Be reassured, these feelings of self-doubt and slight panic are completely normal and life will get easier.

Practical strategies

• Stock up on frozen meals (go online at Tesco.com to order your grocery shopping delivery), and do the bare minimum on the housework front. Accept any help that’s offered by friends or family.
• Be realistic about what you can manage. If you don’t return phone calls straightaway, or write instant thank-you notes for baby gifts, people will understand.

• Try to squeeze time for yourselves into your busy days. Get a trusted friend to take your baby for a stroll in the pram while you pop out for a while, or just relax at home.
• Although sex may be the last thing on your mind, do stay in touch physically with your partner. Couples who abandon the goodnight cuddle, or who stop snuggling up on the sofa, find it that much harder to get back into having sex once their baby has become less demanding.

It does get easier

This phase can feel all-engulfing but remember, babies quickly settle into a regular routine. If you feel very depressed most of the time and the feelings won’t go away, you may be suffering from postnatal depression (PND). Take these feelings seriously and talk to your health visitor or GP.

Tough times

If you face an even greater challenge – such as a multiple births, or a baby with health problems – your relationship is likely to be under extra strain. Having helped several couples in this situation, Relate counsellor Christine Northam says: “While it can seem impossible to invest any time or attention in your partner, it’s very important to try. Your relationship needs to stay strong for your child’s sake, just as much as for your own. Whatever else is going on, find some respite care, even if it’s only the occasional hour or two, so you can get away. Keep your expectations realistic, and take life one day at a time.”

Involve your partner

If you are tempted to do everything because you’re faster and more efficient than your partner, don’t. The danger is that he’ll start to feel sidelined and less involved, and you’ll end up doing the lion’s share of the work forever, never getting a break and then moaning at him about it.

Remember, there’s no rule that says certain babycare tasks can only be done by a mum (apart from breastfeeding – and even then, your partner can feed expressed milk from a bottle). Giving hands-on care is a wonderful way for a dad to bond with his baby. It can be really frustrating to watch your partner struggling with the poppers on your baby’s sleep suit, but it’s only by regularly bathing, changing and dressing her that he’ll get the knack of how to do it.

Resist the temptation to take over, and bite your tongue before criticising. In fact, take turns now, and you’ll both forge a strong bond with your baby and carry on sharing the work as she grows into an active toddler. So you see, what’s good for your baby is good for you, too!

For other ways of making the first days of parenthood less daunting, take a look at Elizabeth Martyn’s book, BabyShock! (Vermilion, £7.99).

A quick beauty fix can make a huge difference to how you’re feeling in the early days of motherhood.